Chop the iceberg lettuce into 1-inch pieces and place in a large bowl or 9x13 inch casserole dish. Dice the swiss cheese into 1/2-inch cubes, slice the green onions (both white and green parts), and dice the celery. Having everything prepped and ready will make assembly quick and ensure the vegetables stay fresh and crisp.

In a small bowl, whisk together the mayonnaise, miracle whip, sugar, salt, black pepper, and paprika until smooth and well combined. I prefer using Hellmann's mayo for its creamier texture, which makes the dressing silkier. This dressing base is best mixed in advance so the flavors can meld together.

Layer the prepared lettuce in your serving dish, then add the green peas, diced swiss cheese, sliced green onions, and diced celery on top. I like to keep the peas frozen until the last moment before adding them—this keeps them vibrant green and prevents them from releasing moisture that would make the salad watery.

Pour the creamy dressing from Step 2 evenly over the salad mixture and gently stir to coat all the vegetables. Top with the bacon bits, distributing them evenly across the surface. Cover the dish and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes before serving to allow the flavors to meld and the salad to chill.