Start by bringing a large pot of salted water to a boil—this will take about 10 minutes. While the water heats, prepare your mise en place: cook the bacon in a skillet over medium heat until crisp (about 8-10 minutes), then crumble it into 1/2-inch pieces and set aside. Dice the fresh jalapeños into 1/4-inch pieces, chop the scallions thin, and shred the cheddar cheese. Once the water is boiling, add the elbow pasta and cook according to package directions until al dente (usually 8-9 minutes), then drain well and set aside while still warm.

In a large mixing bowl, combine the softened cream cheese, mayo, sour cream, cider vinegar, jalapeño brine, pepper, garlic powder, and smoked paprika. Whisk everything together until smooth and well combined—this base should be creamy and uniform with no lumps. I like to use a whisk rather than a spoon here because it incorporates the ingredients more evenly and creates a silkier dressing that coats the pasta better.

Add the warm pasta from Step 1 directly into the dressing bowl. The warmth of the pasta helps it absorb the flavors more effectively. Stir everything together thoroughly, making sure each piece of pasta is coated with the creamy dressing and no dry pasta remains at the bottom of the bowl.

Now fold in the diced jalapeños, chopped scallions, crumbled bacon, and shredded cheddar cheese from Step 1. Use a gentle folding motion rather than aggressive stirring to keep the ingredients evenly distributed and prevent the cheese from clumping. I prefer to add the cheese last and fold it in gently so it maintains its texture and doesn't become overly mixed into the dressing.

Transfer the pasta salad to a serving bowl or storage container and refrigerate for at least 2 hours before serving. This chilling time allows the flavors to meld together and the dressing to set slightly, creating a more cohesive dish. Give it a gentle stir before serving, and adjust the seasoning with a pinch of salt or pepper if needed.